Saturday, June 28, 2008

Drunk Biking in Denmark

I'm not sure if there are laws about drunk biking in Denmark. I'm pretty sure there are, but I don't know them, so I've made up my own based on experiences I've personally had, ones my friends have told me about and/or I've witnessed, and ones I've witnessed strangers doing during my nightly bike travels over my past eleven months in Denmark. I've handedly coded them in green, yellow, and red to indicate whether you should be okay to bike home, should think twice, or should have probably slept at your friend's place.

You have proper bike lights in working order.
You discover one or both of your bike lights are either out of have been stolen while you've been drinking.
You didn't think you'd be out late enough to bring bike lights and/or in a drunken haze you toss them into the street where they get run over by a car.

You swerve ever so slightly in the bike lane either in time to your music or to extend you path and not have to stop at a light, both while checking carefully for other bikers in the lane.
You swerve unwittingly.
You swerve unwittingly to the point of hitting other bikers and/or the right hand curb. Actually, the curb may very well be on the left because you are biking on the wrong side of the road.

You carefully avoid parked cars.
You space out for a second, but occasionally and successfully swerve to avoid parked cars.
You slam into parked cars. It takes you a about 30 seconds to recover before you head off to hit your next one.

You see hookers on Istedgade.
You are biking slow enough to check out the hooker's outfits.
You stop and tell a hooker you like her shoes.

You drink a minimal amount and leave the party.
You leave the party with the rest of your drink and may take a swig or two at a red light.
You leave the party with the rest of your drink, finish it, and stop at 7-11 to buy more to sustain you on your 2km bike ride home.

You see taxis on your way home.
Taxi drivers honk at you on your way home when you cut a light a bit too close.
Taxi drivers actively swerve to avoid you as you fly through a red light on your way home, swing a u-turn, and ask if you would like a ride, for free, for your own safety.

You successfully stop safely and slowly at a red light.
You stop short at a red light.
You stop short at a red light, forget to put your foot down, and fall over.

You bike home a-ok.
You bike home and feel slightly nauseous.
You have to pull over and throw up on the side of your road during your bike home.

More may follow.

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