Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Tacky as a bride in black

True story: The Caylee Marie Anthony tribute doll
|Orlando Sentinel Staff Writer
Showbiz Promotions' Caylee inspired doll. (SHOWBIZ PROMOTIONS / January 26, 2009)

A Jacksonville promotions company plans to sell a doll as a tribute to slain toddler Caylee Marie Anthony.

The Inspirational Caylee Sunshine Doll will go on sale Tuesday for $29.99.

The blonde-haired, 18-inch doll wears jeans and a T-shirt depicting a sun and the phrase: "CAYLEE SUNSHINE." The song "You Are My Sunshine" plays when her belly button is pushed.

Jaime Salcedo, president of Showbiz Promotions, said he is not selling a doll that looks exactly like Caylee because it would be too morbid and difficult for the public.

Instead, he said, they want to honor and respect Caylee's life by bringing awareness to her case.

"We want it to be a tribute," he said.

Salcedo said this is the first product his promotions company will sell that is inspired by the victim of a crime.

Salcedo said he plans to donate a portion of the proceeds to charity -- though he does not have an organization lined up yet.

Salcedo said he's waiting to hear back from several organizations, including the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. He is considering donating $3 for every doll sold.

Asked about whether it's appropriate for his company profit on Caylee's death, Salcedo said he is anticipating critics.

"I think that that is going to come up," he said.

Salcedo said the public does not understand what it costs to make the doll, ship it, import it, and his company's expenses.


Gross. I don't understand why someone would want to buy a doll in the likeness of a murdered child. Will she come with tape and a heart-shaped sticker? Okay, okay, way too soon. But seriously, yeah right $3/doll is going to go to charity. That thing is going to be selling for $4.99 on the Toys 'R' Us clearance racks before the ides of March.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

No shirt, no shoes, no bike lanes? No problem.

Since moving back across the pond from Denmark and leaving my beloved 'cykel' in the care of viking family, the Scandinavian in me has been aching to get back on a bike. I dream about blowing past the Friendship Heights Metro Station in the mornings, breezing down (up?) Wisconsin Avenue, jetting through Georgetown, and arriving at work astride a glamourous British racing green colored old Raleigh with a soft, tobacco colored Brooks saddle and maybe matching leather-wrapped handle bars, too. Did I mention I'd do all this in high heels? Emphasis on the word high. I don't do 'mid-heels.'

As I believe I've mentioned before, this pipe dream is unfortunately subject to a few glaring problems. The first is that I don't actually own the dream bike (yet.). The second is that I'm not sure how to bike in a pencil skirt and, because my office frowns on commuter shoes, there is little doubt in my mind that spandex/sweats/anything more bike appropriate would absolutely not be tolerated under any circumstances, even if I went straight to the restroom to change, did not pass go, did not collect $200 on my way in. The third problem, which I am delighted to announce is close to solved, is that bike lanes in D.C., while getting better, are sparse at best. According to Google maps' quickest route from my home to my office near Chinatown, I'd have to potentially go around not one, but TWO, traffic circles. All during rush hour traffic. With Virginia drivers and, worse, drivers from non D.C. border states. Twice a day. Yeep.

Enter: The Light Lane or, as I like to call it, the "Fuck you, I win! lane." As it claims, I will take safety into my own hands... with James Bond-style lasers shooting off of the back of my bike. Motorists be wary. I can't wait to see if this is actually released for public sale and what the price tag would be.

Friday, January 16, 2009

The Wizard of LSAT

Soooo, tonight I went to this practice LSAT class thing. It was pretty uneventful. You know, some kids were really dumb and couldn't get the most basic of questions (God, what don't you get about the fact that Leopold can only work session three?! It's outlined in the effin' constraints of the game!!). Other kids were so obviously cut from the "front row, nod, laugh at dumb jokes and kiss the prof's ass cloth" it hurt. Others, like yours truly, were just kind of assholes. I mean, I'm all about the LSAT (*cough cough*), but this particular score-upping company has this "summer intensive" program where you go to Boston University for six weeks and do ALL LSAT, ALL THE TIME. Except when you have "social events" with the kids that are there for the hardcore MCAT summer intensive program. SIX WEEKS. When the instructor was talking about this [for. some. reason.] I couldn't stop laughing. He glared at me and was like "I'm sure some of us can think of better things to do over the summer..." I'm blonde so I got in Elle-Woods outraged mode for like three seconds (in mah mind!) until I realized that, um, yeah, not an insult because I can think of lots better ways to spend THE ENTIRETY OF EVERY DAY FOR SIX WEEKS OVER THE SUMMER. Like, going to the beach and getting a tan. Or hiring a Coppola to film my law school admissions video while claiming I use legal terms in every day language... "I object!"

Did I mention this whole shindig costs $8000 PLUS $3000 room and board. I better be guaranteed a 180 for that kind of pocket change. I'd rather spend my $11k on a luxury vacation and call it a summer, but I guess if you get a 180, fast track it at Yale, and start earning the mucho dinero you can take lots of lux vacays. I guess it's a payoff.

Okay, okay, tangent. What's new?

I'm getting ahead of myself. That was actually my second asshole move of the evening. My first asshole move was when the LSAT guy was talking about test scores. I don't know how much you, dear readers, know about the LSAT, so I will explain using a method similar to the LSAT guy's:

"The LSAT is a standardized test scored on a bell curve. The highest score you can get is 180. The lowest you can get is 120." (Why standardized tests always give you points for signing your name is completely beyond me. Like, seriously, it's as bad as vanity sizing. Why can't they just make the lowest score zero so when you EPIC FAIL it feels like the big, fat 'you suck hard' that it is. You're also a size 10, not a 6.)
"Now, let's call this area up here past the 80th percentile 'Oz'."
All of us in the class nod.
"Now, what would we call the area around the 50th percentile?"
We all stare at him blankly.
"Kansas! Now, Kansas is a good place to live, but it's not Oz."
We're all, like, open mouthed in bafflement of this weird LSAT score/Wizard of Oz analogy.
"Now, what would we call this area on the left side of the bell curve, down at the bottom, way below the 50th percentile."
No one answers, so I volunteer "Hell."
Everyone laughs. The presenter guy looks uncomfortable for a second. He quickly recovers.
"Actually, I was thinking 'Munchkin Land'."
Class: [...]
Because Munchkin Land is bad??! Munchkin land is where trees are made of candy and everyone lives in gingerbread houses, where Glinda the beautiful good witch is. Sure, everyone is a weird dwarf/short person/midget/whateverthehellisPCthesedays, but it still seems like a pretty good place if you can avoid getting a house dropped on you. Way better than Kansas, anyway. IMHO. I'd rather be in Munchkin Land than in Hell. Munchkin Land is probably one of the worst comparisons you could make. I can imagine way worst places. He could have made, like, Denmark (happiest place on Earth) the right side of the bell curve, America the middle (or maybe Canada), and the Middle East (the war torn parts) the left tail. MUNCHKINLAND?! God, can you imagine getting, like, a 135 on the LSATS? You can? Sucks, right? Now can you imagine slitting your wrists and killing yourself over your lost future that is so dark you have to wear nightvision goggles to see?? (This is the flipside from your future being so bright you have to wear sunglasses). I bet you can imagine slitting your wrists and killing yourself in Hell. Ladies and gentlemen, may I have a big Jack Handy-style "that's my point" ?!


end of weird late night rant.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

USC Gould School of Law thinks Washington, D.C. is:

A) A state
B) Delaware
C) All of the Above


Image scanned by me, Sarah, from page 33 of the 2009 USC Law School Catalog. Note how, in the part I circled in red, they marrooned-in Delaware and labeled it D.C.

D.C. already has Marylanders and Virginians to contend with. I'm sure Delaware doppelgangers are the last thing they want. But if Delaware wants some of D.C.'s inauguration crowds, I'm sure they can have them, gladly.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

BARACKALYPSE: Munch on the Metro

You know the Metro on inauguration day is still going to be a complete shit show, blow-up Edvard Munch Scream dolls or not.

Do WMATA employees make these videos while on drugs? (Yes, they make special instruction videos for every big event in D.C.) My favorite is the part where The Scream gets squished in the Metro doors, falls to the ground in slow-mo, and they pan down to it and hold the frame for, like, ten seconds too long. I just have to point out, though, that their comment about the doors not popping open like elevator doors seems like a ruse to strike fear into tourists and encourage them not to overcrowed the trains. I know those suckers pop open if they hit someone because, WITHOUT FAIL, at at least one stop every morning during my commute (red line from Friendship Heights to Chinatown/Gallery Place) the doors will open and shut like five goddamn times while saying *ding, ding, ding* "Please step back. Doors closing"... (doors try to close, open again) *ding, ding, ding* "Please step back. Doors closing"... repeat, repeat, repeat ad infinitum BECAUSE SOME ASSHOLES SQUEEZE THEIR FAT ASSES ON AT FARRAGUT NORTH BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO FUCKING LAZY TO WALK TO METRO CENTER SO THE DOORS CAN'T CLOSE. Please. You really think Metro would make it so the doors don't pop open? That's a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Barbie vs. Black

"I hate it how when I wear black nail polish I look all goth and emo and when you wear it it's like 'Hey! I'm wearing black nail polish!'" - Michele, on why I should always wear hot Barbie pink nail polish (like Essie's Exposure, pictured left) rather than dark black, reds, and navies (like my current, left-over-from-NYE color, OPI's Midnight in Moscow).

Friday, January 2, 2009

Being Blair on NYE

I just have to get something out that I've been pondering today...

If you're on the Metro on New Years Eve and you're wearing a black satin headband with feathers and a guy comes up to you and says "I'm sorry I've been staring at you, but I have to tell you, I really like your headband," is he:

A) Gay? He didn't have that flamboyant gayness about him, but do straight guys really notice and even more curiously LIKE dazzling bedecked headbands?

B) Hitting on me? If so, a headband is a bold thing to pick to compliment. Why not "I like your... (hmm, well, let's see, I was wearing my peacoat, so all that was visible were my dark trouser jeans, cute patent leather ruffled t-straps that were unfortunately mostly covered by said trouser jeans, and gloves - carrying a Trader Joe's bag overflowing with chips, dip, and Tanqueray. Oh, I had my black leather and suede with gold embellishment clutch that I got from that hidden-away thrift store at the train station in Prague!) bag." Is complimenting a girl on her bag in an attempt to hit on her more gay sounding then saying you like a headband? Perhaps because most girls carry bags. A normal straight guy probably wouldn't notice one bag from another as being anything more than a bag. Saying you like a girl's particular bag is, possibly, in some ways saying that you notice that most girls carry bags, notice the details of these bags, and that her bag of the day is comparatively better. Yeah, that's kinda stereotypically gay, non? Headbands, on the other hand, are not worn by everyone. Black satin headbands with feathers that can't help but stand out on someone with long, blonde hair, definitely not. But then, we are back where we started.

I overanalyze. I love it. Big things are coming in 2009 that may be putting my overanalysis to excellent use... stay tuned!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy New Year!!

New Year's Fireworks Over Annapolis, Maryland

Welcome, 2009!!