Friday, January 16, 2009

The Wizard of LSAT

Soooo, tonight I went to this practice LSAT class thing. It was pretty uneventful. You know, some kids were really dumb and couldn't get the most basic of questions (God, what don't you get about the fact that Leopold can only work session three?! It's outlined in the effin' constraints of the game!!). Other kids were so obviously cut from the "front row, nod, laugh at dumb jokes and kiss the prof's ass cloth" it hurt. Others, like yours truly, were just kind of assholes. I mean, I'm all about the LSAT (*cough cough*), but this particular score-upping company has this "summer intensive" program where you go to Boston University for six weeks and do ALL LSAT, ALL THE TIME. Except when you have "social events" with the kids that are there for the hardcore MCAT summer intensive program. SIX WEEKS. When the instructor was talking about this [for. some. reason.] I couldn't stop laughing. He glared at me and was like "I'm sure some of us can think of better things to do over the summer..." I'm blonde so I got in Elle-Woods outraged mode for like three seconds (in mah mind!) until I realized that, um, yeah, not an insult because I can think of lots better ways to spend THE ENTIRETY OF EVERY DAY FOR SIX WEEKS OVER THE SUMMER. Like, going to the beach and getting a tan. Or hiring a Coppola to film my law school admissions video while claiming I use legal terms in every day language... "I object!"

Did I mention this whole shindig costs $8000 PLUS $3000 room and board. I better be guaranteed a 180 for that kind of pocket change. I'd rather spend my $11k on a luxury vacation and call it a summer, but I guess if you get a 180, fast track it at Yale, and start earning the mucho dinero you can take lots of lux vacays. I guess it's a payoff.

Okay, okay, tangent. What's new?

I'm getting ahead of myself. That was actually my second asshole move of the evening. My first asshole move was when the LSAT guy was talking about test scores. I don't know how much you, dear readers, know about the LSAT, so I will explain using a method similar to the LSAT guy's:

"The LSAT is a standardized test scored on a bell curve. The highest score you can get is 180. The lowest you can get is 120." (Why standardized tests always give you points for signing your name is completely beyond me. Like, seriously, it's as bad as vanity sizing. Why can't they just make the lowest score zero so when you EPIC FAIL it feels like the big, fat 'you suck hard' that it is. You're also a size 10, not a 6.)
"Now, let's call this area up here past the 80th percentile 'Oz'."
All of us in the class nod.
"Now, what would we call the area around the 50th percentile?"
We all stare at him blankly.
"Kansas! Now, Kansas is a good place to live, but it's not Oz."
We're all, like, open mouthed in bafflement of this weird LSAT score/Wizard of Oz analogy.
"Now, what would we call this area on the left side of the bell curve, down at the bottom, way below the 50th percentile."
No one answers, so I volunteer "Hell."
Everyone laughs. The presenter guy looks uncomfortable for a second. He quickly recovers.
"Actually, I was thinking 'Munchkin Land'."
Class: [...]
Because Munchkin Land is bad??! Munchkin land is where trees are made of candy and everyone lives in gingerbread houses, where Glinda the beautiful good witch is. Sure, everyone is a weird dwarf/short person/midget/whateverthehellisPCthesedays, but it still seems like a pretty good place if you can avoid getting a house dropped on you. Way better than Kansas, anyway. IMHO. I'd rather be in Munchkin Land than in Hell. Munchkin Land is probably one of the worst comparisons you could make. I can imagine way worst places. He could have made, like, Denmark (happiest place on Earth) the right side of the bell curve, America the middle (or maybe Canada), and the Middle East (the war torn parts) the left tail. MUNCHKINLAND?! God, can you imagine getting, like, a 135 on the LSATS? You can? Sucks, right? Now can you imagine slitting your wrists and killing yourself over your lost future that is so dark you have to wear nightvision goggles to see?? (This is the flipside from your future being so bright you have to wear sunglasses). I bet you can imagine slitting your wrists and killing yourself in Hell. Ladies and gentlemen, may I have a big Jack Handy-style "that's my point" ?!


end of weird late night rant.

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