Thursday, July 9, 2009


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Avian Luau

So get this:

I'm lying on a bench in the park outside of Iolani Palace in Honolulu, Hawaii, minding my own business, trying to take a siesta while my little sisters went to seek out a snack and my parents take a 45 minute audio tour of the palace (which I decided I was not interested in). All of the sudden, this Hawaiian family rolls up, like, twenty deep, with a picnic spread that could have fed the Spartan Army. Curious as to why, in this relatively large park, they need to park themselves within ten feet of me, I turn my head, crack open my eyes and sneak a peek. What happened next is astounding. First, before they dig into said nosh-fest, they all stand in a circle, bless themselves with the sign of the cross, hold hands and sing a little religious diddy. It was weird. After that, they started opening all their seven-odd million boxes of food. Innocent enough (my mouth was even watering a bit from the delicious wafting smells), until the whole thing turned into a Hitchcock film. No, not Rear Window; Not Psych. THE BIRDS!!! Birds from all reaches of Oahu swarmed around, including the freakish white pigeons they have here. Ack!! I hate pigeons, and I'm not particularly fond of birds of any kind (my Hell on Earth: St. Mark's Square, Venice, Italy -- google it.). It only gets worse. I felt like I couldn't get away because I didn't have anything (like a Quidditch bludgeon) to beat the brids away with. I sat up and got on guard, glaring at birds near me and staring in shock an awe at this family, who appeared either oblivious or peculiarly apathetic. As I sat and stared, I started to notice weird sights and sounds. Some birds were hopping around, cooing and pluming their feathers. Another was, for lack of better descriptors, rolling in the dirt. Oh, geez. I realized that not only were they swarming in hopes of food, they were engaging in MATING rituals. A regular keg-laden avian frat party on the lawn of Iolani Palace. Eventually the nightmare ended, but I kinda wished I had just sucked it up and went on the dang 45 minute audio tour.
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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Text from last night

This post has been rethought and redacted to protect the innocent... and guilty. Muahaha! :)

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Sunday, July 5, 2009

National Lampoon's Hawaiian Vacation

My family and I are currently spending about two weeks in Hawaii on vacation.

Walking back to our place after the 4th of July Ana Moana fireworks, my mom trips over someone's cane...

Laura (sister): "Mom, did you trip over that guy's cane?"
Suze (mom): "It was an accident! People need to watch where they put them in crowds!"
Jenna (sister): "Mom, he's blind."

The "cane" my mom tripped over was one of those blind people's walking sticks.

I die.

In other news, kinda over Michael Jackson 24/7. Kinda really over it. There was one of those Native American bands (the kind that are inexplicably prevalent in cities all over Europe) and they were playing Thriller on, like, a digeridoo. That's a digeridon't in my book. Ugh.
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